Are you ever frustrated that people simply don’t listen to you?
Does it make sense that people who actually NEED the information you have in your head do not take the time to get that information into their heads?
Do you find yourself asking “Why don’t they listen?
Well, here is some help for you. First an explanation; then a recipe for success to stop the madness.
Problem: People simply don’t listen
Reason: Because they probably don’t care about what you are saying
This creates a New Problem: They don’t care about what you say
Reason: Because you are uninteresting
This creates Another Problem: You get frustrated
Reason: Because they NEED to listen to you
And, it gets worse: They REALLY don’t listen to you
Reason: Because you are frustrated with them.
See the cycle? This situation can be very maddening! The very person that you are trying to help rejects the genuine assistance you are providing and worsens the situation exponentially.
Here is a magic formula to have people listen to you…”Be Interesting.”
Actually, the formula is this: Get Interested. Become Interesting. Get Heard.
You see, as leadership author and speaker Dr. John Maxwell points out in The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership
Included here is a picture of a conference table. Image a single sheet of paper on the conference table that figuratively represents ALL that you know, all that you have experienced, and your entire personal treasure chest of expertise. Imagine that the rest of the space on the table represents information, knowledge, expertise, and experiences that you do not have. This is stuff locked in other peoples’ heads.
If you simply understand what you know and do not try to impose it on others, then you have completed the first step. Next, really be interested in others and in what they know, how they feel, and what they think. That takes your focus off of yourself and places it wonderfully upon them.
Know what you know, but don’t be to enamoured with it.
Get excited about what you don’t know and seek it out through genuine conversation that shows interest in others.
WARNING: This can be very boring!
Boring for you? Yes. But, in time, you will see how their information, experiences, and nuanced explanations of life begin to fit into yours. It happens around the edges of your piece of paper. It is weird, but you actually stop getting bored with them and actually begin to get intellectually stimulated. This is growing you. It is like that piece of paper on the table is increasing in size with every interested conversation you have.
Simply by listening, caring, and going through the motions of being interested, you are building yourself while building a relationship with others. Time consuming? Yes. Worth it? Definitely!
This is how you become interesting: Care about them first. This is genuine work. It is an investment that pays huge dividends. It pays with interest: Their interest in you!
Once they know how much you care about them, then they will engage in reciprocating behaviors and begin to listen to you. You showed up as a listener and modeled the behaviors that you want in them. This is the magic formula!
How have you benefited by showing genuine interest in others? Did it pay you dividends? Did they start to listen to you? Comment with your story. I promise…I do care!
