Looking for Mr. Right? I Doubt It.

Are you really looking for Mr. Right? I doubt it.

I bet that you are actually looking for Mr. Kind. Or Mr. Helpful. Or Mr. Unselfish. Or Mr. Pleasant. Or Mr. Not-a-Jerk.

Think about this scenario:

You are sitting in your office or cubicle or in a meeting. You are busy being productive and trying to keep up with your daily stuff and contributing to the cause. As you are focused on the task at hand, someone comes into your arena and needs your attention. Let’s say that you are interrupted while doing an important spreadsheet. Or you are in a planning meeting with other focused people. Or you might even be enjoying a quick break, alone with your granola bar.

And here it comes: THE Interruption

Someone enters your space and has to speak with you. They could want you for any number of reasons, but for the sake of this illustration, let’s just say that whatever their concern is, it is certainly not important to YOUR task at hand.

Well, as you begin the process of unlocking your focus on what you are doing and trying to get your head wrapped around this new concern du moment, answer me this question:

Would you rather be faced with someone who had as their top underlying motivation for engaging your attention either be:

A) “I want to be right!”
B) “I want to be kind.”

If you were faced with someone who was coming to you, interrupting you, and they simply wanted to prove that they were Mr. Right, how attractive would that be to you? How well would this person be received by you? Would you find yourself wanting to jump right in and help them prove that they are, in fact, right again?

Or, conversely, would you rather face your next interruption by someone whose primary underlying motivation is to show up to you to be kind? Someone who has the specific intent on making sure that you felt their kindness. Yes, they need your attention and possibly need to disturb your focus away from what you were doing and move it on to their agenda, but they had your “kindness radar” in mind.

Think about this now: I bet that if Mr. Kind showed up shortly to your space today that you would be far more willing to do what they wanted than if Mr. Right showed up. I bet that you would probably even let Mr. Kind “get their way.” Actually, I bet that Mr. Kind “gets to be right” more than Mr. Right ever does.

Think about this when you deal with people. If you put off the “kindness vibe,” you will simply be more attractive and people will do more for you. People’s kindness radar NEVER turns off.

This is VERY HARD for people to really get into their heads. Most of you will only get this after much unfortunate humility, embarrassment, and a lifelong series of regrets. Sorry for saying this, but most people are self-focused, unappreciated, and are longing for validation. Being Mr. Right is part of their self-soothing approach to getting some kind of satisfaction in their self-focused world. One has to really mature to understand this. So, save yourself and others decades of pain and just remember the following lesson.

Leadership Lesson of the Day: It is more important to be kind than it is to be right. Period.

Tell me if you disagree or not. Tell me how being Mr. Right has served you well. Or, tell me if you have tried the Mr. Kind approach for better results. I would love to hear your story!

L2L Contributing Author

3 Comments

  1. Kara Dowdall on February 5, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Growing up, there was a frig magnet which read:

    “Do you want to be right or do you want to have peace?”

    In the workplace and even at home, there is a compassionate way to communicate authentically and keep the peace.

    No one wants passive aggressive behavior for the sake of peace.

    And to be clear, I am agreeing. Through peace/kindness, one is provided an opening to share ideas, comments, feedback.



  2. coachwithheart on February 5, 2009 at 11:32 pm

    There are times when a person can be right and kind, fair and truthful. there are times when we learn best when someone will “kindly” tell us that there might be a better way.

    Can you be right and treat people with dignity and respect?

    There are people who can pull that off, I suppose that is really being kind. Being right for the sake of being right doesn’t usually do much for anyone.

    Perhaps “being right” is the ultimately about pride. Being kind might be about being humble. I think humility is the better choice.



  3. Woody Wood on February 6, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    It all goes to motive. There is nothing inherently wrong with being right, but what is your motive in that? If one is “right” just for the sake of satisfying their own ego, that is one thing, but it is another thing altogether when one is so concerned about how others are affected that he strives to make everything right for those others. That is true benevolence and TRUE benevolence in never wrong. The problem is that the sinful, soulish nature of man does not naturally place the needs, wants and desires of others before his (her) own. The sooner we ALL figure out that it’s not about me, but rather about how I relate to others, the world will indeed be a better place to work and to live.
    WW



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