On Leadership and Prom Dresses

Having 5 kids (three in college & twin daughters (pictured right and left of center) that are Juniors in high school), I have had my share of involvement with the annual Junior/Senior prom.

If you are not familiar, proms are the big fancy formal dances for Juniors and Seniors in high school that leave lasting memories on everyone involved. In my part of the world (Atlanta, GA USA), these are big events that involve much preparation and much attention. I probably have been involved with 10 or 12 of these extravaganzas, so I bring a pretty good perspective to you on the subject.

These events can also be a very large financial investment. Often times a limousine will be rented for groups of friend to go to a special dinner date prior to the dance. The young men will typically rent a tuxedo and buy dinner and flowers. The young ladies will spend a small fortune on classic dresses, hairdos, make-up, nails, shoes (with matching purse), flowers, and party supplies for the after-prom party. And don’t forget that you have to purchase tickets to get into the fancy event.

And did I mention the social pressure associated with this big event? That may be the most expensive commodity in the mix.

When I say social pressure, these come in a variety of forms and in varying degrees. For the boys, the pressure spectrum starts with who they will ask out on the big date; and how they will pay for everything required of them; to whether they are going to behave like gentlemen or pursue their more base instincts after the event.

For the ladies, the pressure seems to be far greater.
The shear number of details involved in preparation is simply mind-boggling to this father of girls. From nail salons for fingernails and pedicures, to hairstyles, to accessories, to boutonnieres, to dress selection, and more; the pressure is enormous to put the whole package together in a seamless choreographed ensemble to make for the “perfect evening.” (I am sooo glad to be a guy…)

However numerous the details for everyone involved, the linchpin in the equation of determining the relative success of the special event and the evening usually is found in the selection of the prom dress. After all, is said and done and the pictures get posted on Facebook, the prom dress usually is the single item that stands out as the signature piece of the event.

So what does this have to do with leadership?

The prom is a right of passage for many people. It is the first time that many young people get to be in charge of so many details and have to balance available resources, personal responsibility, fun, social dynamics, dating pressures, event planning, and more. This is really a mini-version of the kind of adult life that is all-too-soon to follow for them. Many young leaders cut their leadership teeth in these types of events. You can see leadership behaviors begin to emerge at these “monumental” events in the lives of budding young adults as they make decisions and have to live with the consequences.

One leadership behavior that significantly impressed me this past prom was in the actions of one of my twin daughters. Both of the twins were blessed with many friends who allowed them to wear their previously worn dresses from previous year’s proms. They each had 4 or 5 dresses from which to choose from their friend’s closets. I was happy they decided this. It saved us hundreds of dollars.

Wearing someone else’s dress is a BIG deal because showing up in a “used dress” can be considered a faux pas considering the social pressure to spend a lot of money on something new and unique. I was very proud of them both for having the attitude and mindset of a practical person rather than that of a self-focused person who was easily swayed by social opinions and standards.

For one of the girls, the social stigma was potentially must worse. The dress that she eventually selected, “the perfect one,” had several (difficult-to-see) stains that could not be removed. Still knowing this, my daughter decided to wear it despite its flaws. But why would she wear something tarnished on such a seminal event?

She said that her focus was on the people and the occasion and not on something as silly as an imperfect dress. She wasn’t going to let a blemish be the centerpiece of the evening for her or anyone else. She was focusing on people and the occasion instead.

Her attitude reminded me of a recent quote I heard that said something like “Living in peace is like looking for a place to live in California: When you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.” By focusing on much larger things (the people and the occasion) and not the faults (blemishes on a dress), she was very much at peace and had a wonderful evening.

When adults are at work or doing something that involves dealing with imperfect people or inadequate resources, we can tend to focus on the blemishes and forget about the big picture. We can tend to develop a mindset of scarcity rather than that of an abundant, hopeful person. This can rob us of productivity and of our contentment.

So, the next time you are leading an event or a project, just remember the young lady in the blue dress who overlooked the insignificance of a blemished dress and put her focus in a much more productive and enjoyable place.

Here is a test for you…When you look at the pretty young ladies in the picture above, do you really notice the stain? Or do you look at the bigger picture?

What are you doing to keep your focus on the bigger picture rather than dwelling on faults? How are you moving in a direction that keeps the good things flowing while accepting the rough patches? How is your attitude toward people and things affecting your personal peace and leadership effectiveness? Who did you go to prom with?

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Tom Schulte is Executive Director of Linked 2 Leadership
He provides leadership training fit for the Blackberry-Attention-Span
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Image taken by Tom Schulte and stolen from his daughter :O)