Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success. People who have a nose for what it takes to get ahead are masters at marketing their most important commodity—themselves.
I grew up poor, and living on an isolated cattle ranch in Wyoming, I also grew up different from those living in urban areas. I wasn’t as polished, experienced, and sophisticated as those I met in college. Image was very important to me and I instinctively knew that it was about more than clothes.
I learned to dress up my personality as well because I wanted to do whatever it took to succeed.
It worked.
Years later I became an FBI agent and was selected for undercover assignments. This was a very natural transition for me because, in working undercover, I changed images with each new investigation. I could pick and choose my special mask of success.
The Lure of Success
America is the land of ego and image.
We love people who can get their act together and get on with it. This breeds an atmosphere of competitiveness. Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonalds, felt that beating the competition was the reason for starting his business. “You’re talking about the American way of survival of the fittest,” he once said.
Not everyone understands why they’re a competitive and image-conscious leader. If they fail to understand the reason behind their behavior, however, they will also fail to understand how to fix it when it breaks down.
Psychiatrist Michael Maccoby provided an insightful analysis of people who are driven by ego and image in his book, The Gamesman. Here is an excerpt:
“They are cooperative but competitive; detached and playful but compulsively driven to succeed. Their main goal is to be known as a winner and their deepest fear is to be labeled a loser.”
I zeroed in on the phrase, their main goal is to be known as a winner and their deepest fear is to be labeled a loser. That described me perfectly. My deepest fear was that I would end up a “nobody.” As a result, I became goal-oriented and performed in ways that would earn me praise and recognition.
Does this describe you or someone you know?
It’s Not What You Do, It’s How You Look Doing It
Psychologists believe that image-conscious people were rewarded for their achievements as children rather than asked how they felt about things that happened in their day. Performance and image were all that mattered; only winners were worthy of love. They learned to impress people and one of the most efficient ways of doing this is by performing to get the attention of others.
Performance can take many forms.
I know this is certainly true of myself—on a large cattle ranch, I often found myself performing so I could compete with sick cows and wild horses for the attention of my busy parents.
Leaders Who Perform
As image-conscious leaders, however, we also perform. Only we’re performing for the attention of peers, competitors, and employees. The trouble with this, however, is that image can be deceptive. Image is meant to promote a result rather than express a need—advertising has built an industry on this belief. When we project a persona at work, we assume the characteristics of a role.
Performers in the theater and arts understand this concept well.
The only way they can grow as an individual is by seeing themselves as separate from their image.
It’s a major discipline for them, and those who fail to do so flit from one persona to another depending upon the role they are playing.
Leaders who perform to maintain an image need to see themselves as separate from their image as well.
Early Warning Signals
These are common reactions when ego is out of control for the image-conscious person.
- Increasing feelings of false self-image
- Increased feelings of self-deception
- Inner emptiness
- Concealing emotional distress
- Jealousy when others succeed
- Exploiting others
The practices below that can help you get back into realignment.
Tips
Tip #1
Notice when you hear yourself becoming self-promoting, putting a spin on your accomplishments, or adjusting your manner to enhance the impression you hope to make.
Tip #2
Learn to recognize when you’re doing them as a performance for others.
Tip #3
Even if you can’t, or won’t, stop from “turning it on,” be honest with yourself and acknowledge the performance.
Tip #4
Become aware so you can control the behavior that is out of control.
“The fool shouts loudly, thinking to impress the world.” Marie de France
How do you deal with the fear or anxiety that comes up when you compare yourself with others? How have you handled or reframed your own failures? Why are you drawn to succeed?
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LaRae Quy is former FBI Agent and Founder at Your Best Adventure
She helps clients explore the unknown and discover the hidden truth in self & others
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Image Sources: ©reuters.com,
