Leadership Trust: Your Secret Judgement

When, if ever, is it a good idea to keep secrets? And when is the best time to reveal them?

When is the right time to tell your boss you’re leaving?

Do you give your boss two-weeks notice, a month, or more?

To what degree does your personal relationship with your current employer matter?

• If it’s an adversarial relationship, you might be tempted to wait until the last minute to reveal your secret, but that’s bound to create even more bad blood (and impugn your reputation).

But does that mean you should tell your current employer the minute you know for sure you’re leaving?

• What if that resulted in your firing and several months without paychecks?

Even if you’re in good standing with your current employer, does honesty serve both parties?

Will it lead to an uncomfortable six months?

When do you tell your senior team?

When do you tell the rest of the company that you’re leaving?

How much time is fair for them to know the details of your departure?

What happens if you tell too soon and your best and brightest leave you stranded?

What is the proper time to notify key suppliers, customers, or other interested parties?

On what basis do you frame the discussions: Your needs, or theirs?

Scenario #3:

You’re going on maternity leave and you don’t intend on returning to work afterward.

When would be the right time to let your company know?

Do you tell close associates first? Or the boss?

If you remained silent throughout your maternity leave and quit right before you are scheduled to return, does that jeopardize other co-working women who have child-bearing inclinations?

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Answering these questions can be a gamble. Not everything appears black and white up front. It can be a process in separating the gray area into those black and white components. And there is always risk involved.

And with these scenarios, one questions looms large: “When is the right time?” This question has bothered me for years! The scenarios above all revolve around leaving an organization. There are many more secrets people keep from their coworkers and employers naturally, but few have as much impact. The end of a relationship–even a professional one–dredges up emotions and issues of worth and appreciation.

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Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

There are many factors to consider when telling a secret. The truth will set you free. How are you going to decide if you will betray someone or trust someone. In keeping and revealing secrets, here are a few factors to consider:

1) There is a window in which secrets can be revealed without violating trust between individuals. It’s a short period really. A week maybe.
2) The longer the secret is kept, the more likely trust will be violated.
3) The longer a secret is kept, the harder it is to know when to reveal it. You may feel like the window has passed.
4) When a secret is revealed, the party that’s been kept in the dark will want to know how long the secret has been held–so that they can better assess the level of duplicity/dishonesty and their interactions with you during that period.
5) Mental fatigue comes from holding onto a secret. It also comes from creating lies or untruths to preserve it.
6) How much will you need to rely on others to maintain your secret? Are they capable of doing so? And is it fair to ask them to do so?
7) If you tell one person, do you need to tell everyone?
8 ) Do you tell people individually or collectively?